“Up in my business.” That’s how one woman described her recent vaginal exam.
Although a necessary indignity if you are invested in preventive care, the exam and the pap smear rank up there with activities you would rather not participate in, even when it is accomplished with utmost respect. On rare occasions, however, insult is added to injury, like for instance when your private parts face the door to the waiting room and someone comes barging while you are in a “compromised” position. I can imagine that at times like this, if your vagina could speak, she might say, “Hey, there … how’re you doin.’ Nice day, isn’t it? Join us, won’t you?”
And then there is the temperature of said speculum. A sensitive gynecologist will run the instrument under warm water. It is one thing that you are flat on your back, examining the pattern of the stucco ceiling. It is another thing when the icicle that is up in your business feels like it has just arrived by special delivery from the arctic, and you must breathe deeply in order not to hit the ceiling yourself. Oh, and you’re told to relax.
When in a quest for a pregnancy, most women take these requirements in stride. If a speculum must go in so a baby can come out – so be it.
And of course, cold hands searching for lumps in warm boobs contribute much to the desire to flee. But I digress. Cue musical notes, “What we do for love…”
The route to pregnancy has prompted some colorful imagery. Recently, a woman lamented to me, “All my neighbor does is shake his shorts at his wife and she gets pregnant. We, on the other hand, are busy dutifully merging at the right times this month so nine months from now a baby can emerge.”
Of course, that is the point – so a baby can emerge.
The physical demands of trying to conceive are one thing. But if your head is attached to your body, then it takes patience and perseverance to continue to do what is necessary. Not to mention finding ways to access the seemingly bottomless (no pun intended) pocketbook requirements $$$.
That brings me to the crux of the matter. Do you have enough of what you need (money not withstanding) to endure a challenge whose timetable is unpredictable?
Be heartened. The heart is the heart of the matter – yours and your partners. In addition to managing where your mind goes when you are flat on your back staring at the ceiling with someone up in your business, it is important to remember that your heart is leading the way and prompting you to remain optimistic about outcome.
Despite the physical demands and the emotional components of trying to make a baby, how can you learn to titrate the predictable stress? With effort and determination, no doubt.
Perhaps for you, finding support in stress reduction classes or in therapy sessions could be a consideration. Learning to control anxiety can be of great value, now and in the future.
At the risk of sounding self-serving, you might try speculating, pun intended, on getting a copy of my book. On Fertile Ground: Healing Infertility which will guide you through methods of staying in your skin and ease the angst this endurance test requires of you.
