If you want a baby and are having trouble conceiving, I guarantee you are in The Crotch Watcher Club.
Living in your underwear? You’re in good company. Women seeking parenthood are likely to be asking “Am I bleeding when I shouldn’t be?” “Am I not bleeding when I should be?” This unwanted game comes with a guarantee to intensify every twenty-eight days and perhaps intensify even more with the passing of each month.
“Watching” is attached to a dizzying array of emotions: expecting, anticipating, hoping, dreading, dreaming, wishing, planning, laughing, crying.
It can best be expressed visually by the image of a blown-up balloon being released without being tied off, zigging and zagging wantonly until it lands limp and depleted on the floor. Does this have a familiar feel?
For many, maybe for you, this description matches the monthly emotional journey in the quest for a baby. A succinct summary: hope, bleed, land with a thud, repeat.
Short of a magic wand, and besides giving up altogether, the best choice is to find a way to mitigate this unfunny, un-amusement park ride.
So what’s a lady-in-waiting to do? Or a man-in-waiting for that matter?
1. Expect that you will have predictable ups and downs, unless you’re made of concrete.
2. Decide what an effective emotional release will look like for you.
Will you cry, scream, punch a pillow, talk to a trusted person, journal, exercise?
3. Allow the release for its legitimacy without attaching to it.
4. Be ready with idea(s) about an effective activity that can distract so as not to solidify the disappointment.
Take a Walk. Sing. Read. Write. Dance (move a muscle, change a mood!).
I’m partial to creative endeavors as analogues to creating new life.
Even if you’re not in the mood, use your mental muscle to follow through.
Most of all, experience the impact that even one long, slow, deep breath can have. Try it now!
Here’s the thing. You’ll still be watching. But it can be more like riding the wave of this unwanted emotional tsunami rather than being swamped by it.
Sincerely wishing that 2019 goes your way,
Helen Adrienne, LCSW, BCD
helen@helenadrienne.com
