Fall is falling. Are those of my readers who are in a fertility quest in a “here we go again mood”? Another month, another season of disappointments. More of the ubiquitous challenge of watching friends, relatives, co-workers, even strangers on the street bulge with new life. And then there’s you – on the outside looking in and at risk for falling into despair.
I want to share a story with you. Years ago, when my daughters were little, I wanted them to have an experience of nature’s dedication to new life. We had a female cat and I thought it would be great for the children to experience the birth of a litter. At the time I had an au pair from the mid-west who was the sixth of nine children. I figured she would know a thing or two about such things. I asked her what I should do if I wanted our cat to become pregnant. Her answer was priceless. She said, “Open the door.” Out went the cat, who, to my daughters’ delight, came home shall we say, in a family way.
Nature wants to create the next generation of creatures great and small. If you’ve been on the outside looking in on this way of the world, I truly understand how hard this is. And I know that the only satisfying solution is for you to join the ranks.
Meanwhile, you are tasked with the difficult task of staying in your skin as you await your miracle. It may be small consolation, but here are some suggestions for you to stay on the path, keeping hope alive:
1. Always, the breath is a reliable resource. It is a built-in tranquilizer. Try enjoying the benefit now by taking a long slow deep inhalation, long slow deep exhalation. Repeat.
2. Remind yourself that the mind abhors a vacuum. Unfortunately, negative thoughts seem to have a corner on the market, zooming in automatically and taking up residence in your psyche. Create a list of positive affirmations to have at the ready as counterpoint. Find the moxie to override the inertia the negativity creates so you can fill your mind with your hopes and dreams. If you’re like most of the people I’ve worked with in the past 40 years, you might be afraid to think positively, thus contributing to the power of the negative.
3. Reach out for support/connection. It helps to feel that you are not alone.
4. Find creative outlets. Creativity of any kind is an analogue to creating new life. Paint a wall orange. Take a class in pottery. Change your hair style. Buy new dish towels. It doesn’t matter.
5. Allow the legitimacy of your moods from time to time. Faking joy is counterproductive, but so is living in despair.
6. Consider joining my classes (or others out of the NYC area) in mind/body stress reduction. You can learn myriad ways to rescue yourself when the going gets tough. Learn more here.
Autumn may signal decline, but in the circle of life it is also aimed at renewal. Take a breath and resolve to stay the course.
