Bringing Music Back into our Lives
By Jennifer Frazier
My husband and I were in the car together the day we found out we were pregnant. It was 8:16am on a beautiful Fall day nearly three years ago, driving past the only dry cleaners in town en route to a somewhat annoying work meeting. Gina, our amazing gestational carrier, texted me that she took a pregnancy test, and it was positive. She was always so good at staying in touch with us and giving us any type of update she could. She knew how much we appreciated hearing every detail. Within a nanosecond tears rolled down my cheeks.
I felt a huge weight lift from my body. I couldn’t speak. I handed the phone to my wonderful husband, and he smiled in a way that meant so much to me. It was as special and as important as peeing on a stick in my own bathroom. As the months progressed, it all became fun and enjoyable. I realized that I didn’t care about not being the one who would carry the baby. I didn’t care what other people thought or said. I wasn’t one bit worried about “feeling attached to the baby.” We were 1000 percent attached from the day we saw the picture of the embryo.
Gina sent us the 3D sonogram photos that showed an absolutely clear view of our son’s face. My heart melted, and has never been the same since. That photo did not leave my person until he was born. I looked at it at least 20 times a day throughout the rest of our pregnancy. The amazing part is that he still looks exactly like that photo.
It took eight years and lots of bad news to get to the good news. I do think that all of the failures made us stronger and made us appreciate our success that much more. I feel so grateful to my wonderful husband who journeyed through such a mission with me, displaying great comfort and courage. I couldn’t have done it without a strong partner. It took a long time to get to surrogacy, including three IUIs, six IVFs, and countless procedures. When our doctor suggested surrogacy, my body had been through so much and we had drained our bank account been through a serious amount of stress. Overall, the infertility did change us. Maybe we became a bit more closed off for a while, but at the same time much more caring, generous, and kind people. There were dark days when I was terrified I would never be the happy, laughing person I was before I entered into the abyss of infertility. Fortunately, and with God’s grace, I have never been more appreciative of my life than I am now.
Once we decided to go the surrogacy route, we never looked back. We went online, found Circle Surrogacy, filled out the paperwork, and went full steam ahead. Gina was the first and only surrogate profile they sent us. My husband and I opened her profile at the same moment, sitting in our kitchen, both of us on our laptops. We believe in fate. We looked up after reading about her and her answers and jointly said, “she is perfect.” It just felt right.
Circle Surrogacy wanted us to Skype with our potential surrogate to make sure we were positive, and we agreed. But we had already made up our minds. Gina is and always will be a part of our family. We can never thank her enough for what she has done for us. She is in my prayers daily, and I ask my angels to watch over her and her family. Gina has been so good to us. We really hit the jackpot with Gina. She will always be a special auntie to our sweet boy.
The first night in the hospital with Tolle sleeping in his bassinet six inches from me, I was keeping my eye on the door as I was peacefully drifting off to sleep. It dawned on me that if an entire football team came in our hospital room to take my baby I could fight them all. I felt so filled with a strength that hasn’t gone away. Daily, we are completely blown away by this now 30 pound blessing. We still sneak in at night to watch him in his crib, pinching ourselves that this feisty, fun, amazing little boy is ours.
Our advice to intended parents is to keep trying. It’s worth it. We truly believe that if you want to have a baby, it can happen. If you truly want it more than anything in the world, you will make it happen— one way or another. That is what I tell people who ask me. For years and years (and still now), my husband and I have to work long hours. There were years we worked seven days a week straight for months on end to pay massive medical bills. We made big sacrifices to afford all of the costs. I am so glad we are not attached to material objects and made those sacrifices. Our son was absolutely worth it.
Throughout the pregnancy, I saw it as my purpose to work, work, and work— to pay off the bills, helping to bring our sweet boy into the world. I may not have been throwing up, carrying the extra weight, getting swollen ankles, but I was helping in the way I could. A pregnancy lasts nine months, but having a child to share your days with lasts a lifetime. It was the lifetime that we wanted to be a part of, and letting go of having the pregnancy part was the best thing that ever happened to us.
